Hello

And goodbye...

Wow, another new year. We made it, everyone; we're here in 2018! This is such a significant year for me. So my birthday was just a few days ago and it was my Golden Birthday; I turned 27 on the 27th! I celebrated with people who care about me, I laughed, I ate what I wanted, I had fun. And I did all this while still in treatment. Thankfully, I was in PHP for a month so I had freedom to do what I wanted. I'm on my way to stepping down to IOP, too! I decided to start my 2018 (which I will now call my Golden Year) on my Golden Birthday. That meant I was buying gold everything since gold is my color of the year and most importantly, I was determined to give up the things that harm me; anorexia and all it's symptoms, negative thought patterns and core beliefs, self harm... Yes, self harm... again.

I say that with a sigh and a roll of my eyes because of how I've made that statement in the past. But you know what, it's a new year. I can start over and so can you. I want to enjoy my life and I actually can now. I can do what I want to do and what I need to do for myself. And that's something that treatment has taught me. It's helped me to realize that I'm not the scared and insecure girl that I used to be. Treatment has given me a strong sense of empowerment and confidence. It's shown me that I have a lot of painful experiences to work through and process and it's helping to change my idea that I won't be able to survive it. And it's helped me realize and (partially accept) that I have a lot of trauma to work through.

Yeah, I said the "T" word. I came to a realization; my mind wants to tell the story, the story of me. My body wants to reveal its scars. It wants to talk about what happened, about the storm and the illness I got from being in it too long. It wants to talk about the pain. And I figure, why not? It's a new year, it's time to do something new. And I'm tired of the same old, I'm willing to be uncomfortable if it means newness is on the other side. Speaking of newness, the beginning of the year is the time for resolutions. Typically weight based. Obviously, I'm having none of that (I'm still working through body image issues as it is and don't need that toxicity in my mind anymore). I have plans for what I want my new year to be like and I also have the responsibility to make that happen. I will make my own happiness and adventure.

2018 Resolutions Goals and Aspirations

  • Do new things- at least two new things a month (something to look forward to each month)
  • Get my own place (which I'm close to doing)
  • Finish my book
  • Eliminating self harm as an option or coping mechanism (hard as hell lately, even tonight but pushing through)
  • Enter a romantic relationship (which is the scariest of all)
  • Volunteer
  • Be part of a churches worship team again
These are the things I'm going to be purposeful about, things I'm going to work towards. I'm so excited and I encourage you to create your own list of goals and aspirations for your new year. Dream. Do. Risk. Pursue.

Let's make a proverbial toast to 2018.

Live life. FearLess.

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