Today was a rough day.
It was very difficult getting out of bed this morning. I felt sluggish and lethargic and had no desire to face the world. Not only was I not feeling well physically, but mentally I was spent. There were times where I felt my mind was spinning a bit and every movement took tremendous effort. I was exhausted before I even began. I stayed in my room for most of the day trying to rest and listening to Christmas music. I usually keep the station on 90.7 and during Christmas time, a mixture of both Christmas and Christ centered music is played. It seemed as though every song that was not about jingle bells and Frosty was about God's grace.
One of my favorite songs by Big Daddy Weave called My Story has such an impact on me every time I hear it. The chorus is what touches me the most, "if I should speak, then let it be of the grace that is greater than all my sin...". It just brings me in remembrance of God's amazing grace and how no matter what I'm dealing with, He is there with me. Even though I am going through the effects of mental illness, the grace of God never leaves me. Neither does His presence. He is there supporting me, comforting me and carrying me on my toughest days. When I feel like I'm losing it and can't get a grip on what's going on in my mind, the Holy Spirit of God reminds me that He is nearer still and that His grace is greater than sin and even mental calamities.
I will be honest, there have been times when even the most God filled songs could not bring me out of the pit of depression. The only solace I could find was in the Name of Jesus whether I was calling on it or singing it, His name was the only peace I could find. While songs about Jesus can be a great tool in coping with mental disorders, I am not saying they are the antidote because they aren't. They are not the Source of peace. Jesus Himself is that source and He continues to show me that. Sometimes it takes hearing it from another person in a song but He will always remind me that His grace is greater than (fill in the blank). There will be rough days but the grace of God will be greater than those days and I will do my best to remember that.