Out Of Order

And I'm so done with it So for these past few days, I have been so out of it due to, yep, my good ole pal, PMDD. I was in bed all day yesterday and missed church, which is why I didn't post. I had panic attacks, which I didn't realize were panic attacks until today, I found it so hard to function and do things. I felt sick and was in so much pain all day yesterday and could not sleep restfully at all. I kept awakening with pain and just plain discomfort. I'm so tired of it. I even missed three (four including today) days of working on my book!! Gah!! I often wonder how I am really supposed to be a famous and successful author when this horrible monster interrupts way too much. How am I supposed to function in life and have a normal job and be a consistent worker when I may have to take days off to deal with the aforementioned beast? It's definitely frustrating but I am trusting God that what I'm going through can not hinder what He has for me . It is very...

Because we are not monsters So today I found out on Facebook that it's Bi-Polar awareness day. There is an obvious stigma that those with Bi-Polar depression are crazy or lunatics. I wanted to post something on Facebook in honor of today but I felt too... embarrassed with the thought of everyone I know learning of my mood disorder. But I decided to make a post anyway. It was nerve wracking but it really shouldn't be. People with this disorder are not monsters or sociopaths. Often times, some of the most creative people have this form of depression and one them was the late Vincent Van Goh. The picture above is so captivating that I wonder what type of mood he was in when he got the inspiration for it. It seems to capture what the disorder feels like. The inky blackness of the depression, the swirling pale yellows of mania/hypomania. It's brilliant. If you or a loved one are dealing with or think you may be dealing with Bi-Polar depression, plea...

Just snap out of it If only it were that easy. If only I could. I try to ignore the fact that my mind is ill, that it doesn't feel as well as it should or as well as I tend to portray. I'm not supposed to have this type of problem, not me. How can I? No! It's a lie. It's just me being ridiculous, I need to just snap out of it. I need to pull myself together and stop making a big deal out of everything. Stop making things up. This  can not be my reality. But the sudden and extreme mood fluctuations are real . The daily battle of whether or not I deserve nourishment is real . The sticky  tar which I continuously have to fight is real . No! I just need to stop being so mopey. That's all. Think happy thoughts, think... happy... thoughts... why isn't it working?! I know! Just stop being such a worry wart, that's your problem. Easy fix. Just meditate on the Word, that's all. There, that's better. But the overwhelming anxiety is still suffocating m...

The one about PMDD ** I'm in a rambling mood so please bare with me if this post is ridiculously long or just plain unintelligible. Also, please check out the links I will have listed at the very bottom for more info on PMDD, especially if you think you or a loved one may have it. The sites are very insightful ... Sorry about that.** Since I missed work today because of it, I figured this would be a great time to shed some light on this monster. PMDD stands for Pre menstrual dysphoric disorder or as some of us women refer to it, Pure Insanity. It has a tendency to resemble Bi-Polar disorder and can often go misdiagnosed although, if you think you may have either or both of these illnesses, please talk to someone you trust about it and reach out to a professional. PMS on steroids is how some sites explaining the disorder describe it. PMDD is a mental illness affecting about 8-10% of women around or during their menstrual cycles. It is not a simple case of PMS. I...