Out Of Order

When "can" becomes "must" I saw a post online about how people with eds heard the phrase, "you can be anything you want" and interpreted it as, "you have to be everything ". That's definitely true for me. Because of my personality, I feel a lot of pressure to "be everything" for people. Not only because of my genuine desire to help people but also due to my perfectionistic tendencies will I interpret "cans" to "musts". I'll give the example of what happened earlier this week. I was talking to my mom on my way to work and I shared that I didn't know if I was making a difference in my kids' lives. I was upset because, well, if I wasn't making a difference, why was I there? My mom said something to me that blew my mind. She told me that I didn't have to (nor should I try to) make a difference in every child's life. What?! I don't have to try and impact every single child's ...

Ouch First off, my goal for the rest of this year and into the new year for my blog is to publish at least one post every Sunday. I want to increase the traffic to this blog and I need to step up my post game. Also, I typically choose a picture to represent the topic of my post but being that Christmas is weeks away, every picture from here on out will only reflect Christmas and my obsession with it... And I'm okay with that. Okay, so moving on... Christianity as a mask. You know how some people dive into work to avoid problems in their lives? How they just become obsessed with work and ignore what's eating at them? That's what I did with Jesus. At the time when I was 17, which is when I feel these behaviors began to really morph into the abuser know as ED, I paid no mind to what my emotions were screaming at me (which I didn't even realize at the time) and only focused on my relationship with Jesus. This was NOT a good thing. To all my seasoned saints out there,...

This is what it looks like I am currently driving down what we call "recovery road" and it is bumpy, to say the least. This is the hardest thing I've ever endeavored to do and it is way harder than having an eating disorder. My eating disorder, however painful and exhausting, is cozy and comforting-- falsely, I know. Recovery involves change and adapting new ideas and new coping skills. It involves discomfort and second guesses, lapses and possible relapses, frustration and annoyance. It's being excited for the freedom to eat a fear food but then regretting the excitement. It's also enjoying the company of those whom I'm around due to not fretting over every single food on the table. But my gosh, it's a grueling process. Something that really encourages me to keep driving is keeping before me the fact that there are others who are also fighting for their lives and enduring recovery or treatment. To be specific, last week I found out that the brothe...