Out Of Order

What is it Before I went to treatment, I never really practiced self care. It wasn't so much something that I hated doing, it just wasn't something I considered. When it was introduced to me in therapy, I had the hardest time putting it into practice. It was so foreign and felt strange. Do nice things for myself? Treat myself with care? What did that even mean? I am now much better at self care and usually like to make sure I get it everyday. But what is it? These are just a few things that equal my own self care: Watching one of my favorite tv shows, Impractical Jokers Getting some reading in (especially the Bible) Taking bubble baths while listening to classical music Napping when needed Watching some of my favorite Youtubers Coloring Yoga These are my go to self care expressions because I feel so at ease and calm and peaceful while doing these things. And that's what self care is about. Doing something that gives you peace and rest , something that does...

Keeping my trust in the right place I was pulled into my boss' office after work today and after we had chit chatted a bit (she's such a chill boss), we got down to business. Before I go on to share what came next, let me back up some. So lately I have been... concerned with how I am going to afford saving money and pay rent as well as other expenses. I haven't been too worried about it but it is a genuine concern. I don't want to get another job because I really like this one but I was a little frustrated with the amount I was bringing in every other week. I applied for another position within this same company but I was unqualified for it. It stung a bit but I agreed with decision. But how am I going to save now? That new position started at a way higher wage and would be perfect. I talked to my mom about how I felt and she encouraged me as only she could. Since then, I've been in an off and on restful place concerning having enough money for needs and wants...

But way too hot So here is my obligatory post about the conflicts of Christmastime and eating disorders. I am struggling to keep my focus on the Reason for the Season  and am finding it to be so torturous engaging in the mealtime festivities. I have been able to engage in the meals but distracting myself afterwards is getting increasingly harder. The aftermath is rough. I have another Christmas party coming up and I don't know how much more I can take. It's as if we just had the Thanksgiving feast and now I'm going to all these Christmas ones. I'm feeling really tired and drained from these meals when I know I shouldn't. Ugh . I have been enjoying the company of those around whom I've been but I've still been very distracted. It definitely helps to focus on the birth of Jesus and why we celebrate (if you're a Christian) but it's very hard to do with all this extra noise in my head. There were even very brief times  this month where I felt a sma...