Showing posts from February, 2017

Another Dialogue Illustration


For creative purposes, I'm going to paint the picture of my disordered and healthy thoughts as a dialogue between myself and (in this case) "Ed". Here is where the "dialogue illustration" began and where 'B' is first introduced, in case you're interested.

I think we should... break up.
Why would you want to do that? he asked a bit annoyed.
Because I can't breathe around you.
What are you talking about?
You just... make me anxious. I'm always a wreck thinking about what I'm "not supposed to do". I'm constantly obsessing over things I can't have. I'm exhausted, you exhaust me.
Hmm. But you're not cold all the time anymore.
So that means it's not that bad.
Well that's probably because I'm eating more.
Or too much.
Probably. Have I been eating too much? I worriedly wondered.
You're confused.
Wait, no. I need some space from 'us'.
Why?! he demanded.
I told you, I miss--
You miss what? You miss…

Not Right Now


That picture is so perfect for my post today... On Tuesday this week, I got a promotion! Not just any promotion but one for which I had been hoping since shortly after I started at my job. One of the kids at work has autism and has a personal mentor to assist him and hang out with him during his time there. Shortly after I started working, his, at the time, current mentor was given a promotion of her own which meant there was a spot now open for a new one for him. I spoke to my boss about my interest and while she wasn't against it, she preferred for me to stick around in what was my current position as a Youth Development Professional so I'd have room to advance in the company instead of "just" being a mentor. Though I was a bit disappointed, I accepted what she said and continued to do my job diligently. Soon after, a new girl was hired but a few months in and there was talk of her changing positions to become a YDP which would mean there would be an opening, o…

Jesus and Christianity

There is a difference

It always saddens me to find out that someone turned away from Jesus because of the off-putting behaviors of those who claim to follow Him. I can definitely understand the pain one might experience as a result of a Christian falling very short of displaying the love of God and I can understand the knee jerk reaction to no longer want to associate with some who say they are fellow Christians but... that has nothing to do with your own relationship with the Lord. I'll explain my view. I do not follow Jesus based on what my Pastor says on Sundays or based on how those around me who profess Christianity act and live. See, my relationship is not rooted in Christianity, it's rooted in the Christ. And when we find ourselves easily (or maybe not so easily) walking away from the One to Whom we've claimed to give our lives, we have to examine what/Who we were actually following and for what/Whom we were actually living.

Christianity is defined as the religion ba…

A Piece of My Mind


I'm not sure what's been going on with me lately, I've been feeling very bogged down and dry(?). I want to start off with a welcoming, "Happy February everyone!" but I feel that would be a bit fake, as I'm not feeling that cheery. I'm thinking over one of my recent posts about choosing recovery and wanting treatment. It's so funny how quickly the desire to live without an ed is pushed in the far parts of your mind, almost as if you never even had the newfound desire. My mind has been very obsessed lately with numbers: calories burned and calories consumed, weight loss and (seemingly continually) gained. It's tiring, exhausting. Admittedly, I've been feeling alone and very frustrated with myself. I've been doing a lot of comparing of myself and others and it's challenging to remember what God says about me.

Maybe it's not so challenging to remember, rather, it's challenging to believe. But that's all a part of this journe…