Out Of Order

Ouch First off, my goal for the rest of this year and into the new year for my blog is to publish at least one post every Sunday. I want to increase the traffic to this blog and I need to step up my post game. Also, I typically choose a picture to represent the topic of my post but being that Christmas is weeks away, every picture from here on out will only reflect Christmas and my obsession with it... And I'm okay with that. Okay, so moving on... Christianity as a mask. You know how some people dive into work to avoid problems in their lives? How they just become obsessed with work and ignore what's eating at them? That's what I did with Jesus. At the time when I was 17, which is when I feel these behaviors began to really morph into the abuser know as ED, I paid no mind to what my emotions were screaming at me (which I didn't even realize at the time) and only focused on my relationship with Jesus. This was NOT a good thing. To all my seasoned saints out there,...

A poem Ghost Here I am , right in front of you but you don't see me I'm disappearing and you don't notice I glide around seemingly effortlessly but on weak legs The skeletons you see hanging around are not for decoration The very slight and barely-there bluish tint in my nail beds is not makeup I'm cold. I'm freezing. There is a knock at my door and I open it...      "Trick or treat?" It asked. I should've kept all the lights off and put up a "Not Home" sign. But I didn't. I entertained the greeting. Would it have even mattered, had I done those things? I don't think so. I would still have been visited this night. I gave a treat and in turn received a trick A wonderful, fatal trick The carvings I had made before and set on my front porch did little to scare away all the goblins and ghouls which threatened and haunted me They cast their shadows through my windows and underneath my doors So this trick of mine was li...

Odd one out So I have always felt like the girl who didn't belong. In school growing up, at former churches (sad, I know), at work, I just felt like I could not fit in or "join" any group. I was always the odd one. I didn't, however, feel this way with my family; I felt fine around my mom and sister. Sure, I felt pressure and a heavy weight of responsibility but I didn't feel like an outcast. Not until October 25, 2015. You see that blue pencil up there? That was me after returning from Res, I was broken. I was broken and everyone around me knew it. I couldn't hide it or cover it up anymore. I was an alien compared to those closest to me, my brain and the way it worked was different. And the difference was so visible to me as I immersed myself back into "home" life. The way I related to food was so different than those who lived with me. It's hard to explain but I can feel the difference in myself, in my brain. I can tell how different I am c...