I Am Not Put Together, Not Tidy

But Jesus still wants me

I have many cracks. I worry about everything. I judge myself and sometimes others. I try to be perfect. I struggle with boundary setting. I have yet to master handling my anger in a Godly way. I'm in an abusive relationship which I'm sorta okay with. I hide insecurities by focusing on others. I hide pain by focusing on others. I doubt my salvation and fear I am just pretending. I doubt how I can still be used by God. I find it hard to forgive. I have endless fear induced obsessions. I don't see my worth and I receive God's love to an extent. Sometimes, I just don't care about doing right. I have a tendency to nurse a grudge like a sick toddler. I think the worst of myself and sometimes I think the worst of others. It's hard for me to commit to living by The Love Chapter (1st Corinthians 13). But Jesus still wants me.

I give others advice that I myself find a daunting, excruciating task. Sometimes I use words which others might consider unwholesome. I have tattoos and self inflicted scars. I don't always give God my focus. Sometimes I forget important things. I switch my numbers around too much (and I'm a cashier!). I obsess over my outward appearance. I can be self absorbed. I can be antagonistic. I am afraid of abandonment. I am afraid of failure. I am afraid. But Jesus still wants me.

I commit unintentional sin. I sometimes- though not habitually- commit intentional sin. I'm directionally challenged, as in I mix up my left and my right. I don't always spend time in the Word. Nor do I always rest in God's Presence. I sometimes have unruly thoughts and desires and have watered weeds that I should have pulled out. I get super grumpy and annoyed if I'm awakened before my alarm goes off. And my sarcasm is sometimes very sharp. But Jesus. Still. Wants me. 
And I want Him.