That's Not the Truth

Because the truth sets us free

Whenever I'm presented with a lie-- which is ultimately from the devil-- lately, I have begun to say, "that's not the truth". I am still working on how to differentiate the truth from a lie in my life. I'm not quite there yet but I know that God's Word is truth and He's not going to call me disgusting. He's not going to say that I'm worthless and unwanted. When those hellish thoughts pop up, I have to choose not to believe them... which isn't always easy.

Our world is super fast paced and everything seems to be at our fingertips, especially communication. Texting is my preferred way to communicate but it's also something that adds to my insecurities. Let me explain. If I send a friend a text and they don't respond shortly after or even worse, they take a whole day to get back to me, I freak out and instantly go into obsession mode. "They hate me. I'm annoying them. They're too busy for me and I'm getting on their nerves." And so on and so on. I often try and reason with myself that my friends have lives outside of their phones-- as do I-- and that maybe, just maybe they are busy. I'm not angry by the fact that they aren't getting back to me and I don't think they should drop everything to respond; waiting is not the issue. The issue comes when their lack of response whispers to my insecurities that I'm not important. If you were important, they would've responded. You don't matter.

But even I don't always respond immediately to every single text. As a matter of fact, I got a text while writing this post. And I ignored it. Sometimes, I'm just too busy to respond right away but I don't think of my friends as less important. I still care about them the same. So why then do I feel less important when I send a text at 5:45pm and don't get a reply until 11:00am? Could it be that I am valuing my importance based off of the responses of others? Based off of how they treat me or how I perceive they treat me? Something to investigate. On one particular day a few weeks ago, I sent a text to a friend and then proceeded to go into self abusive talk about how unimportant I was because they hadn't responded-- yet. But they were just exercising their boundaries-- which was explained to me later-- and they had the right to do so. But it happens again with someone else and I'm back in the same mental spot. So in the midst of these lies, God spoke to me a new perspective. Their lack of response didn't mean I was unimportant it just meant that it was not an emergency, therefore, I could wait.

Important doesn't always mean emergency.
Important: of great significance or value...
Emergency: a serious situation requiring immediate action...

The key word in the definition of emergency is immediate. I can have value and significance without being in a state of emergency... Hmm. Well, this is where I struggle to find truth. I've noticed that I really only feel important if I'm in some state of emergency. That's the only time I feel that people actually care about and notice me and when they don't respond to a text fast enough to keep my obsessions at bay, well, that just means that I am less than deserving of their time. Of their care. I strongly doubt any of them are thinking this way and I know it's something that I have to resolve within myself.

It can be hard to identify in our lives what is and isn't the truth and for me counseling is helping a great deal to rediscover what is the truth. And this is the truth: God calls me His own and regards me as the apple of His eye. He says that I am chosen and loved and worth His sacrifice. And He says the same about you. Challenge yourself today to use cognitive flexibility-- thanks Ms. Angela and Renfrew-- and consider that maybe, just maybe sometimes what you're thinking may be a lie. From the Liar himself. Challenge your thoughts because when they tell you that you don't matter, that's not the truth.