Out Of Order

Let's Stop Ever since I first moved to PA, I have encountered racism and prejudice. I have been stared at as if I were from another planet, I have experienced "shopping while black"-- being followed around a store upon entry due to the fact that the workers considered me as suspicious looking and as if I was going to steal something based on my skin's pigmentation-- I have been called a nigger behind my back by former co workers... I could go on. Something that I absolutely hate and refuse to remain silent about is when someone uses the term "the race card". I am not saying that there are not some people who may use the color of their skin as the reason for everything wrong in their lives. Sometimes bad things just happen regardless of what we look like. However, when a brown person experiences prejudice or a disadvantage and the reason is obviously racially motivated, please don't attribute it to, " Oh, they're just playing the race card.

Honesty This one reads more like a journal entry. I wrote the following on my phone almost a month ago and it's still pretty true. June 23, 2016 I still feel disgusting and disgusted with myself even though I'm eating more willingly now. It's coming from inside me, the disgust, and I can no longer project it onto my weight. Because I want my plumpness back, I have to eat a lot but at the same time I'm worried about getting too big and losing control due to what has always been my insatiable appetite. I hate this. And I feel self hatred. And when I'm trying too hard to be perfect is when I feel the most insecure and worthless and unloved. The more perfection I display, the more likely it is that something is going on that is overwhelming. Or just simply being overlooked. ... Back to the Present So that's how I was feeling and I'm still feeling some of that. But I'm also feeling confused about my eating and this whole process. I have no enc

    Venturing Out These past few months have been very busy and tiring. Not really tiring in a bad way, tiring due to my job and my own physical stamina. I went on a retreat in April with a friend and their church and it was amazingly refreshing! I had a lot of prophetic word spoken over me and a lot of confirming words. I left feeling a renewed sense of empowerment with God's strength and boldness and power. I had such a great time! Thank you for inviting me Stephanie!! Also, I spoke with a publishing company in May for one of many books on which I've been working. He gave me a lot of information and suggested I call back in this month so we can move forward from there. That is beyond exciting for me! I've been working on this book since 2012 and I've always considered writing to be my main job, my career and now that I've actually been in touch with a publishing house, I can see the reality of my faith filled words from long ago. God is doing so much fo

Just Be When I was in Renfrew, I developed a love/hate relationship with yoga. Though I always incorporated it in my workout routine, yoga was never the main focus. It was always just a warm up, something to do to get my body ready for the real stuff. Being that over exercising was a huge symptom of mine, I was placed on exercise restriction the entire time I was in treatment-- and it annoyed the hell out of me. I was eventually allowed to participate in yoga, which I was very sore about. What was I supposed to do in yoga? Stretch and balance and then...? It was pointless to me to do what I considered to be warm up exercises if I wasn't going to transition into a very vigorous workout. What a waste of time. I did decide to go one day and I hated it. It was torture. It was like giving me a taste of something I was craving and then snatching it away. We did stretch after stretch after stretch, never once going into intense calorie burning exercises. It was awful and frustrating f