Practice Peace

 Sometimes, our choices control our outcome...

There is a scripture in the Bible that reads, "seek peace and pursue it"** and it is one of my absolute favorites. Ever since I was a child, I've struggled with worry, fear, or anxiety in some form. Peace has always been something I've longed for and sought. I remember asking my mom for scriptures to help ease my troubled and anxious mind**. I would study and meditate on these continuously, desperate for some relief from the OCD thoughts, the worry, the separation anxiety. Today, I still very much rely on the Word of God for peace but I realized, I have to also take action and pursue the peace. I can't meditate on these verses then go right back to the fear. I have to do something else. Something that gets my mind off of the fear... and I’ve learned that’s one function the ed served for me (and still tries to serve if I completely let it). If I’m obsessing over how many calories I have left to eat for the day or if I worry about keeping my weight the exact same or less than the day before, I’m not focusing on the fearful or scary things. But I can’t use Anorexia to do that anymore. I have to make different choices that will help me to maintain the peace God already gives me. 

I have to practice peace. I have to get up everyday and focus on something other than the fear I might be feeling. In addition to my spiritual practices— studying my Word, being present in my new church!, prayer, listening for the Lord, listening to songs that boast of God’s character—, here are a few things that help me do that...

Tang Soo Do 
Solitude on the beach 
Self care
Talking to and getting feedback from my mom
Seeing my therapist weekly

I find that doing these things really helps to keep me in a good, peaceful place. Sure, I still struggle with fear but not always to the same degree that I used to. Even when it is overwhelming, I now have many outlets to help me deal with it outside of myself. And that’s what Anorexia is— an outlet for fear. A way for me to cope. I’m glad and so grateful to say that it’s not the first thing I go to anymore. It’s not even the second thing. It may be a consideration but it’s not often an action. I want to choose healthy ways of coping, of handling fear and other difficult emotions. Something that really hinders that is my inability to accept certain things. Acceptance is at the root of— or part of the root of— a lot, if not all, of my “things”. 

When it’s hard for me to accept certain things, my mind can’t reconcile it with reality, can’t make sense of it. So I have to just forget about it. It can not exist if I can’t understand it. So...
Denial. 
That’s another place my mind easily goes to try and maintain peace. But it’s not one that I can expect to benefit me in the long run. Of course I didn’t choose to get sick but I can choose better ways of coping when harmful ideas surface and thereby have some control over the outcome of my life. Will everything suddenly and automatically be “fixed” or “perfect”? Absolutely not. But I don’t have to stand idly by while things happen around me. I can fight this fear back. The Lord is my salvation and my fortress, my God in Whom I trust! “Oh great, so nothing will go wrong. Nothing bad will happen.” Nope. Surprise, but that’s not how life works. BUT, when something does happen, I can still be victorious because that’s how God works. I can overcome my outcome. And so can you. 
(Hmm, that sounds like a new post)...


**Scripture references:
Psalm 34:14; Philippians 4:6-7; Psalm 27-1; Isaiah 26:3; Isaiah 41:10; Isaiah 12:2; Psalm 18:2


Live life. FearLess.