Where I've Been
So on September 25, I was admitted into a residential treatment facility for eating disorders. I dove head first into my issues. It was a grueling process. Everyday I was faced with brokenness, not just my own but of those around me. I often wondered how so many talented, beautiful, strong, inspiring women could be in a place like that? But that was my reality for thirty days. I got out on a Saturday (October 24), and resumed Day Treatment that following Monday. This journey has been exhausting and it's still ongoing. Being in Day is so much harder this time. In Res, which is faaar from a walk in the park, there was around the clock care and so much support. Despite how awful my emotions felt, it was a safe haven for me. A safe little bubble where I didn't have to worry about the bad stuff. Well, my bubble popped on that Saturday, I'm back in the real world.
I've been MIA for a while trying to get my head on straight and from dealing with the overwhelming exhaustion that comes with treatment. There is still so much to process and I have a long way to go. So often I think about discharging myself because it's just so much. I'm not ready to deal with the sores beneath the bandages. I don't want to see the face behind the mask. It's too scary. It's too much. I'm painfully learning so much about myself and am being confronted with things I already knew but tried to forget about. I don't want to continue down this road and I may or may not. All I can do is take it one day at a time and as we said at the Frew, one bite at a time.