God is in This
But which way do I go
Let me start by sharing my immense excitement over this past week. So, per the request of my Pastors, I was invited to share an original poem this past Sunday. I was so excited to do so and God gave me one that same week, the night I was asked, I think. Our series is called God is in This (which you can hear via podcast by pressing on it), and it chronicles Joseph's life as he went from being a favorite child to being a prisoner to being a ruler. The message on Sunday was amazing and I was so honored to have been able to share my poem, entitled Providence. You see, the series is all about how God was with Joseph throughout every instance in his life and how He still worked things out for his good. And that's what He does in our lives. He provides for us even during the storms. And I was extremely happy to be able to write a poem which could relate to our theme of God's provision. It was amazing sharing it and I finally felt like I belonged in a body of believers.
I have sang on almost every worship team at every church I've ever gone to but being here at Providence Community Church, which I proudly claim as my place of worship, is completely different than any other place I've worshiped. The people here are so real and unashamed of God's ability to use imperfect people, such as we all are. Reading that poem felt like the first step into what God has for me especially as a writer and I could feel some of the pieces fitting together. Or, at least, I'm aware of them. And the Pastors and church are so behind me and my gifts and there is so much support and room for me to use them there. I feel so a part. So useful. It makes me happy!! Here is an example of what I mean when I speak of my awareness of some of the pieces.
Earlier last week, before service on Sunday and during rehearsal, I found out from a Providence band member that the band Elevation Worship is looking for new members due to their growth and expansion. He said that the applicants who apply and are accepted will go on tour with Elevation as part of the band and get paid as a band member. This is an absolute dream come true!! Since I was younger, I have always wanted to sing professionally. As I grew older, though, I couldn't make sense of how I could possibly have both singing and writing as careers. I'm still not sure of how I could do both but this is a huge opportunity that I'd be worse than a fool to overlook. And that brings me to my next point. To my fork in the road.
I may have mentioned how I've been preparing for the University of the Arts in the fall and that I'm putting the finishing touches on my portfolio. I'm super excited about this and want so much to go... but... Joining the band requires a six month apprenticeship program at their church in North Carolina which also starts in the fall. Both of these great opportunities, which are aimed directly at my skills, will be happening at the same time. I'm very indecisive, so you can imagine how challenging of a decision this is to make. If I do the University instead, I could be missing out on something amazing. But if I only apply to one of them and I don't get accepted, it could be too late to apply for the other. And that would suck. And I'd cry (well, probably not because I suck at crying but I'd do something). And I don't have much time to sit around and decide. The financial app for college is due by the first of next month (which I was going to complete this weekend but now I have some contemplating to do). And for the apprenticeship, I have to send in a video audition. As frustrated and stressed as I was earlier while worrying over these two things, I am very glad now and have realized that I am not needing to make a decision born out of a lack of safety or out of worry or pain, as I've done too often in the past, but out of something that can only further God's will for me and allow me to see it unfold more and more.
Obviously, I'm going to pray about it, and in fact I already have. I suppose I could always apply to both and trust that whichever accepts me will be the right "path". Faith without works is dead and I have faith that Jesus will help me to make the right decision. That He will guide me. But I can't--nor will I-- sit around and do nothing. I have to do. I have to make a choice to apply for either, one or neither. I can tell you right now, it's not going to be the latter option. Hmm, even as I compose this post, I feel more excitement over the apprenticeship with Elevation. Not just excitement, a drawing, maybe? A pull? The University will always be there but this opportunity to join a well established band and basically make a living off of something I've always wanted to do... This I can't pass up. So I'm definitely applying for the band. But I'll also finish the college app (which has been a tad stressful and very time consuming, lately)... Hmm. I still have a lot of praying and listening to God to do. Either way, I can here those pieces snapping into place.