My Body, My Child

I have abused you and injured you

And I'm so sorry. You deserve better... right? That's what they tell me. But the other voices say otherwise. But His Voice says, You belong to Me. How can I do this to you? Day after day? Week after week? Have I no shame? Of course. Have I no desire to stop? No...? Yes...? Certainly if you were my child, you would have been delivered over to protective services by now. Oh, you were once... Ah, Renfrew. And maybe you should be again.

No! No one is going to take you away from me. I'm-- you're okay. You're fine.

I would never treat another the way I have treated you, not someone for whom I cared...
So that's it right there. I don't care for you. I don't care for you. But why not? I have watched your mind be tortured and in an effort to prevent further pain, I... I place you in the line of fire? What sense? You keep working for me even on days when I'm actively going against your signals. I don't deserve you.

I swim away from the life savers and hold onto my spiky plank even tighter. I allow Ed to hurt you as I stand back and observe. He is lodged in your mind like a splinter deep in your skin that I just won't remove. Or allow to be removed. But you're not just my body, my child. You're His body, His child.

I've abused you and injured you. And I'm so sorry.


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