Out Of Order

Because the truth sets us free Whenever I'm presented with a lie-- which is ultimately from the devil-- lately, I have begun to say, "that's not the truth". I am still working on how to differentiate the truth from a lie in my life. I'm not quite there yet but I know that God's Word is truth and He's not going to call me disgusting. He's not going to say that I'm worthless and unwanted. When those hellish thoughts pop up, I have to choose not to believe them... which isn't always easy. Our world is super fast paced and everything seems to be at our fingertips, especially communication. Texting is my preferred way to communicate but it's also something that adds to my insecurities. Let me explain. If I send a friend a text and they don't respond shortly after or even worse, they take a whole day to get back to me, I freak out and instantly go into obsession mode. "They hate me. I'm annoying them. They're too busy for ...

This is what it looks like I am currently driving down what we call "recovery road" and it is bumpy, to say the least. This is the hardest thing I've ever endeavored to do and it is way harder than having an eating disorder. My eating disorder, however painful and exhausting, is cozy and comforting-- falsely, I know. Recovery involves change and adapting new ideas and new coping skills. It involves discomfort and second guesses, lapses and possible relapses, frustration and annoyance. It's being excited for the freedom to eat a fear food but then regretting the excitement. It's also enjoying the company of those whom I'm around due to not fretting over every single food on the table. But my gosh, it's a grueling process. Something that really encourages me to keep driving is keeping before me the fact that there are others who are also fighting for their lives and enduring recovery or treatment. To be specific, last week I found out that the brothe...

Inspired by God As I hinted above, God has been inspiring me with new ways of viewing myself. It's still a struggle at times but it's something I'm trying to believe. I invite you to make these personal for yourself. When Jesus looks at me, He doesn't see my legs or thighs, He doesn't see my collar bones or stomach or any other problem area I feel I have. He sees my spirit, His breath in my lungs, His wonderfully made daughter (or son). I will not make my body more than what it is. It is not my personality. It is not who I am. It is not my dreams and aspirations. It is not my worth. It's just a body, my body. I will decorate it , not destroy it. I will love it for what it can do, not hate it for what it can't. I will appreciate it , not abuse it. I will enjoy it , not envy others'. I will nourish it , not neglect it. I will feed it , not fight it. I will feed it , not fight it. I will feed it , not fight it. The standard is me, not a model ...

It can start with us Today marks the first day ever of the World Eating Disorders Action Day! I am so hyped over this because it is so needed! I've mentioned before how eating disorders are shrouded in stigma but that's not even the worst part. Often times, those who struggle with eating disorders are denied treatment because they're deemed "not sick enough" ( by their insurance company )   or are discharged early ( again, thanks insurance companies ) because they are "weight restored". Excuse me for a moment while I go pull out my soapbox... It disgusts me that despite what therapists and counselors try to tell us about not defining ourselves by our ed and about seeking treatment early, we still have to be at a certain level of "sick" in the eyes of our insurance companies before we can be granted a life saving treatment. My head is shaven right now but if my hair were longer, I'd be pulling it out. It enrages me that we are made t...