Who I Am Is Okay

Period.

The more I live and experience things, I am beginning to realize that who I am is okay. I have always been different from whatever "group" I was in. I have always felt like an outsider and while I wouldn't always try to change myself to "fit in" (though, sometimes I caved), I would always feel so bad for not being accepted. People have accused me of being too serious, reserved, stuck up, high maintenance. It used to bother me soooo much and would still bother me to an extent if I encountered those types of comments again. But I am beginning to feel less and less affected by those types of perceptions people try to insist I display. I'm not shy by any means but I do like to keep to myself whenever possible. I'm not stuck up but I do have standards and I respect my boundaries. And I expect those who are in my life to respect my boundaries as well. Or you're not going to be in my life.

I'm not high maintenance but I am particular about what I do and don't like. I'm a deep thinker and I reflect on everything. I go back and forth with decisions in my mind before making a concrete choice, I tend to over analyze things. I can get along great with others but I like my me time and there is nothing wrong with that. Sure, I like fun group get-togethers but I feel most at peace and relaxed when I'm by myself with a good book or youtube video. I like spending my weekends alone at home.

I love being by myself. And I'm not going to apologize for that. Sometimes, I feel awkward and weird being in a group of people. You'll probably never know, though, because I am good at interacting. I don't like being the center of attention and I prefer to have deep conversations or close relationships with one or two people rather than being a "social" butterfly. I'm more like a social hermit, I'll pop my head out to see how much fun everyone is having but that's good enough for me. Hanging out is fun but after awhile I will feel tired or bored and want to go off by myself to do something fun-- like read or write! 

I've been told that I'm an introvert and I used to feel the need to hide and change that when around my extroverted counterparts. But I'm done hiding that part of me. I used to be considered a nerd or geek and it used to hurt me. But I love it now. I love the part of me that fits into the nerd category. I would much rather spend my day in a museum or library by myself than going out with a group of friends. That's not to say that I never want to hang out but I just really enjoy quiet and intellectually stimulating activities. I feel like the lone, yellow sunflower in the above picture, standing out from the others around it.

I stand out, I am different from others and I usually don't "fit in". And I like that. A lot. My mother influenced me to be different and stand out from the crowd (just by being herself and being comfortable with being herself) and I've always taken that to heart, even when it cost me what I thought could've been friendships. I like the introverted person that I am and I like how my introversion shows through my desires and dislikes. I am appreciating more and more what makes me me and I am learning that my nerdy, geeky, weird, thoughtful, introspective, cautious, analytical, creative aspects make me who I am. And who I am is okay.

**Thanks Ms. Angela.