Another Dialogue Illustration

Suffocating

For creative purposes, I'm going to paint the picture of my disordered and healthy thoughts as a dialogue between myself and (in this case) "Ed". Here is where the "dialogue illustration" began and where 'B' is first introduced, in case you're interested.

I think we should... break up.
Why would you want to do that? he asked a bit annoyed.
Because I can't breathe around you.
What are you talking about?
You just... make me anxious. I'm always a wreck thinking about what I'm "not supposed to do". I'm constantly obsessing over things I can't have. I'm exhausted, you exhaust me.
Hmm. But you're not cold all the time anymore.
So?
So that means it's not that bad.
Well that's probably because I'm eating more.
Or too much.
Probably. Have I been eating too much? I worriedly wondered.
You're confused.
Wait, no. I need some space from 'us'.
Why?! he demanded.
I told you, I miss--
You miss what? You miss being bloated and big? You miss the way your legs touch?
No but... Sometimes, I'm just so tired. I have no energy.
But not always, right? Besides, it won't always feel this way, some have it A LOT worse. It's not like you're passing out or making yourself sick all the time.
But mentally, I'm so tired. Always.
That's because you keep giving in, my dear.
But--
Shhh. It's okay.
...You're trying to silence me.
No, I'm not trying to silence you at all. I know this isn't you talking. I'm trying to silence B.
Ugh. Her.
I know this is difficult right now but you just have to remember that we're on the same page.
I sigh.
I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm just trying to keep B under control. And I know that's what you want too.
I stayed silent, thinking.
That is what you want, right?
...

Just to clarify, I don't walk around hearing voices, I just really love illustrating what aspects of this are like using the format of a relationship or dialogue. It's always very, very challenging for me to be this open about what's going on inside but it's also a nice release of sorts.

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