Scared But Motivated



Going our separate ways

You're going to miss me. He said as I was packing to go to that shelter. I stayed silent and placed my clothes in my bags.
You know you are.
I sighed.
He got closer to me. You don't think you're going to miss me?
Yes! I mean... you can't act like it didn't happen.
What are you talking about?
The other day, when you showed up to my test. That's what I'm talking about.
Woah, calm down. I always come to your martial arts classes.
I rolled my eyes at how insensitive he was being. Yes, but this wasn't just a class. It was my test! And I almost missed it because of you. I could've failed! You came and distracted me and pulled me out in front of everyone. I was so embarrassed. And then you dragged me in the back and... you really hurt me. And if it hadn't been for the other members who saw what happened, I wouldn't have been able to finish.
Listen, I'm sorry, okay? He tried to soothe.
I moved away. No you're not.
Yes I am. And it'll never happen again.
Yes it will! You show up at every class I have and you do the same thing to me. In varying degrees but still.
What can I say? I just don't like to share you. His tone was a mixture of caring and sinister.
It's just that martial arts is something I really care about.
More than me?
I shrugged my shoulders. Maybe. I don't know.
Okay, so what are you saying?
I let go of a heavy sigh. I just can't focus in class with you constantly around.
Yes you can, I'm the one who helps you focus!
Well, I don't have any stamina to even participate anymore. Physically, I can't function.
... And emotionally?
I shook my head. That doesn't matter.
Yes it does. Completely. I help you get through your day. I keep the others from hurting you.
I sit on the bed and rest my head in my hands. He sits next to me and speaks in that same confusing tone.
Listen, I hear you but you don't need to keep doing that Karate, do you?
It's not Karate, and yes I do because its something that I love. It's been something that's helping me to stay.
Barely. He scoffed and my jaw tightened. After a moment of silence, he says, Look, you can't have us both.
Fine, I snapped. At this point, I was just tired and ready to go. I finish packing my belongings and head towards the door. Opening it, I paused. I glance back and see his piercing eyes staring at me. I take a deep breath and walk to him. A snakey smile curls his lips. Here, I say, placing the "bracelet" he gave me in his hands. His brow furrowed and he squinted his eyes in confusion.
You'll be back, he finally says. I turn away from him, not wanting him to see the tears that began running down my cheeks. I take deliberate steps towards the door and close it behind me.

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