Out Of Order

  What's your story You ever have those days where things just start off wrong? ... So today, I get up and I'm rushing because I stayed in my bed for a bit after my alarm, that I didn't set early enough anyway, went off. I was rushing to make my breakfast and at one point spilled all of my forks out of where I keep them in the cabinet and onto the floor. I also had to run back upstairs to grab something that I had forgotten just as I was about to walk out the door. Throughout all of this, I'm telling myself to relax and reminding myself not to give my peace away to the aggravation anger I was feeling. To be honest, I awakened quite upset/grumpy. I leave the house with breakfast in hand and get into the car. As I'm driving to my Tang Soo Do class, I begin to pray and ask the Lord for help with this anger that's just so heavy (I think that's the word). I kid you not, as I'm asking for peace and telling the Lord that I give the anger to Him, right as ...

It’s about the journey to the belt” This was in response to me asking my TSD instructor last Wednesday about skipping a belt for my next test. He explained that he doesn’t skip people through ranks because it’s not just about the belt. It’s amazing how much I learn from my training and classes and how my TSD experience parallels my recovery journey. I have a tendency to demand perfection of myself— working on doing it less, though. That means that if something is possible, then it needs to be possible for me and I must achieve   it. And all I needed to see in my training manual was that it’s possible to skip ranks from 9th gup and go straight to 7th gup if one was an exceptional enough student. Well, that became a new goal, briefly. I needed to be exceptional. I needed to go straight from 9th to 7th; just hurry up and get there. Thankfully, that’s not something my sah bum nim (instructor) does because it definitely could’ve changed my motivation for Tang Soo Do. Of cours...

  Sometimes, our choices control our outcome ... There is a scripture in the Bible that reads, "seek peace and pursue it"** and it is one of my absolute favorites. Ever since I was a child, I've struggled with worry, fear, or anxiety in some form. Peace has always been something I've longed for and sought. I remember asking my mom for scriptures to help ease my troubled and anxious mind**. I would study and meditate on these continuously, desperate for some relief from the OCD thoughts, the worry, the separation anxiety. Today, I still very much rely on the Word of God for peace but I realized, I have to also take action and pursue the peace. I can't meditate on these verses then go right back to the fear. I have to do something else. Something that gets my mind off of the fear... and I’ve learned that’s one function the ed served for me (and still tries to serve if I completely let it). If I’m obsessing over how many calories I have left to eat for the day...