More than meets the eye

I wrote this in 2015 to express how having an ed isn't easily explained as a vain pursuit for thinness or simply having food issues. While physical manifestations may point to these things, eating disorders are about so, SO much more than what our bodies show (or don't show). If you are struggling with an eating disorder or you think you or someone you know may be, please get some help. There shouldn't be any shame attributed to taking care of your mental health but unfortunately, there is. Hopefully my blog and posts such as these can encourage you to take care of yourself and seek help despite the stigma surrounding doing so. The NEDA website is a great place start if you need resources. You were created with freedom in mind and an ed is contrary to that freedom. Please choose recovery.


It's not just all about weight
Or appearance
Or even food
It's about anxiety
Control, fear, misery, worthlessness
A deep seated, lingering, forceful hatred
A hatred of yourself in so much that you deny it life
And, if you look a little deeper under the frigid waters, you will find that brokenness is the focal point that holds everything together
The adhesive that both binds you and tears you apart
That makes you want to scream and throw and kick and punch and cry
But you don't do those things
You're stronger than that
You have control
Control over what's happening inside of you
That's what it looks like on the surface anyway
See, on the surface you appear calm and together and well managed
Sure, you skip a few meals, binge, purge
But at least you aren't destroying anything
Just your body


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