It


Another NEDAW poem

Please reach out and get help if you or someone you know is struggling with an ed. They are insidious mental disorders but can be overcome. NEDA's website offers a lot of resources for how to go about getting treatment as well as offers a lot information on what eds are and are not. I hope my original poem can offer insight on them as well. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

It
6-17-2015

That creeping voice inside my head
Angry, so angry
Winding and twisting itself tightly around my mind like a vine
Or a vice
Barking at me over and over, a little more
Starve a little more
Exercise a little more
It is never enough
Never satisfied
So I think, "A little more won't hurt"
"I'm not that thin anyway"
It chimes in, You're not sick enough
They don't believe you
And it's true
Who would believe me
I'm too big
It is right
Just a little more here and there
Not too much
Just enough to make a difference
Enough so that It is satisfied
Who am I kidding
It will never be satisfied
I will never be enough


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Am Not Put Together, Not Tidy

Image
But Jesus still wants me I have many cracks. I worry about everything. I judge myself and sometimes others. I try to be perfect. I struggle with boundary setting. I have yet to master handling my anger in a Godly way. I'm in an abusive relationship which I'm sorta okay with. I hide insecurities by focusing on others. I hide pain by focusing on others. I doubt my salvation and fear I am just pretending. I doubt how I can still be used by God. I find it hard to forgive. I have endless fear induced obsessions. I don't see my worth and I receive God's love to an extent. Sometimes, I just don't care about doing right. I have a tendency to nurse a grudge like a sick toddler. I think the worst of myself and sometimes I think the worst of others. It's hard for me to commit to living by The Love Chapter (1st Corinthians 13). But Jesus still wants me. I give others advice that I myself find a daunting, excruciating task. Sometimes I use words which others might co
Read more

Change of Scenery

Image
New inspiration So today I went to my old job for a visit and saw some of the kids I used to teach. It was great and I missed them so much! They made their affection towards me clear through hugs and shared stickers and drawings! After my visit, I went over to the library to work on my writing pieces for my portfolio portion of my college application to the University of the Arts for the fall Semester (that was a mouthful). I'm still at the library now and it's super cold, which made it difficult for me to work. I hate the cold, it's my one and only Kryptonite. I closed out what I was doing on my laptop and started to peruse the aisles for interesting books. I found three, which I can't wait to begin, and sat back in my spot. Then it dawned on me, I'm at the library, not at home. My usual writing scene is either my bedroom or my living room and I'm not saying that's a bad thing but how fresh it is to be able to write in a different location! My inspirat
Read more

October 25, 2015

Image
Odd one out So I have always felt like the girl who didn't belong. In school growing up, at former churches (sad, I know), at work, I just felt like I could not fit in or "join" any group. I was always the odd one. I didn't, however, feel this way with my family; I felt fine around my mom and sister. Sure, I felt pressure and a heavy weight of responsibility but I didn't feel like an outcast. Not until October 25, 2015. You see that blue pencil up there? That was me after returning from Res, I was broken. I was broken and everyone around me knew it. I couldn't hide it or cover it up anymore. I was an alien compared to those closest to me, my brain and the way it worked was different. And the difference was so visible to me as I immersed myself back into "home" life. The way I related to food was so different than those who lived with me. It's hard to explain but I can feel the difference in myself, in my brain. I can tell how different I am c
Read more