Leave Him

Easier said than done

An eating disorder is often viewed under the context of an abusive relationship, especially on my own blog. Here is an original poem I wrote to communicate that. If you can relate at all, please don't hesitate to seek help for yourself. The NEDA website is a great first step and at any weight, you deserve the life saving intervention that treatment can provide. Even if it's just reaching out to Someone Who loves you, don't stay silent. Recovery is possible. Leave comments and enjoy!

Leave Him
2-23-2015

We all got seduced by the same abuser,
Sly Mr. Stockholm,
Suave and cunning.
But he made us think we were the only ones
That we were all alone
He called us names like "worthless" and "failure"
He would subject us to such pain and convince us it was for our benefit
And we believed him
He strung us along on barbed wire and when we'd cry out from the pain, he'd demean us and make us feel weak
For being human
He would bruise us and make no apologies
And we had grown to think that we deserved his treatment
The crazy thing is though, despite how horrible he was, there were good days
And we loved him on those good days
On the bad days we hated him but we couldn't bring ourselves to leave him
So strong was his hold over us
His sway was powerful
We gave him so much control over our serenity and peace
And when we finally muster up the courage to tell someone about the abuse
His words fill us with regret
"Oh, you want to tell? I'll give you a reason to tell."
And we were filled with terror that we ever thought to leave him
Even though he would torment and torture us,
when anyone else made us cry, he was right there
Holding our hands and comforting us
Telling us that everything would be alright
That he would make it better
He told us, in the most soothing and reassuring voice, to trust him
And we would
And he would make us feel safe
So we wouldn't feel the need to leave him
But soon enough we would be right back in our familiar situations
Crying in the bathroom
Or passed out on the bed, exhausted from trying to fight him
And eventually giving into what he wanted
But even then, we don't quite want to leave him