NEDAW

 

My contribution to NEDA week

I have skipped a few weeks of writing because I have been lacking serious motivation and have just been feeling an overall sense of "sucky". February 26-March 4 is the national eating disorder awareness week and I had originally planned on writing a few posts based on what an ed feels like and how the illness affects the loved ones of those with it in honor of it but like I said, no motivation. Tonight though, I was able to muster up some energy and decided to just post a few new original poems-- one for everyday of NEDAW-- depicting the chaos that an eating disorder can create. If you or a loved one are struggling with an eating disorder or think you may be, please reach out for help-- the NEDA website is a great place for resources and help. Please know that eds are not a "lifestyle" or diet or lack of self control or will power. Please also know that you don't have to stay sick and that while you didn't choose to get ill, you can choose to recover. Help is available. Comments and thoughts are welcome and encouraged. Enjoy!

Unfair
12-12-2016

Why should I find you dazzling
It's not fair to see beauty in destruction
Or find fair what is frightening
Why is it that I am wooed by a woeful appearance
of frailty and weakness
Because that's what bones are
That's what they represent
Though not always
Bones can be strong but only if they're covered
Bare bones are pointless
A mummy's remains
A dead man's prize
Is this what I want
Is this what I chose
Do I want a box full of collars and pelvises
Ribs and wrists
Is that my goal
To one day be nothing but these bones
To feel them at every turn and swivel
Every hug
This is unfair
Why should my mind find relief in starvation
Comfort in deprivation
And rest in neglect
What is it in the lack that brings longing
What does the emptiness hold that latches onto me
And why is the feeling of full so terrifyingly avoided

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